Hi, my name is Jeanne, and I’m an addict. (Hi Jeanne)

My particular addiction is to the creative process. I admit that I am powerless to control my absolute craving to sit down with a pen or a brush and make things. The urge is overwhelming; when it hits I sideline everything else and hide myself away where nobody can catch me being creative.

I feel such peace when I am indulging my addiction. It brings me joy, and a flowing feeling, a buzz of energy that makes me feel good.

I must admit that I nurture my addiction. I guard my stash, I protect my paraphernalia and isolate myself from interruptions; I dwell obsessively on what I will do the next time I’m able to tear myself away from normal reality to consume my drugs of choice (paints and pixels); I escape from tedious things like family interactions and dinner to sneak off and get high painting or writing.

I feel guilty, tho, even tho I enjoy my high so much. I feel like I should be able to be this happy even when I’m doing normal things like going to the grocery or sweeping the leaves. But I just can’t be as fulfilled when I’m doing normal things. Painting and writing bring me such peace, such energy, such thoughts!

I am powerless to stop, and wouldn’t want to, despite all the harm others tell me I’m doing to myself. Harm like not slaving for money, like not watching TV, like not thinking like a normal person.

But I tend to think that everyone would be better off if they had something that brought them as much pleasure. As an addict, I would be very happy if everyone else were addicts, too.

I’m in favor of addiction.

Addiction is good.

We deserve a crutch, a way to get away from reality too intense or too chronic or too unsolvable to deal with. It’s too hard to stay in the pain of our lives without looking for some normality to retreat to, another place where there is no pain.
Everybody, every day, routinely dulls some feeling of pain that they don’t want to deal with, whether it’s with alcohol, coffee, a cigarette, a joint, a book, watching TV, avoiding TV, exercise, sleeping, whistling in the dark, telling jokes to break the tension, sex, antidepressants, tranquilizers, cocaine, heroin, ecstacy, peyote, acid, meditation, prayer, religion, the promise of heaven. Everybody distances themselves from personal pain by using some distraction, some dulling mechanism.

Certain substances or methods are judged morally inferior. But this is a fallacy. Since everyone medicates themselves into some degree of numbness, some distance from whatever reality is personally too much to bear, then no method is better or worse than any other. Diferent substances are suitable or unsuitable to one personality or situation. Because we’re using it to dull our reality, cocaine is no different from religion – it’s our particular substance of choice.

If self-medication is our way of dealing with stress, then the better/worse argument shifts to how you deal with your addiction, not whether or not you’re addicted (addicted to what is no longer relevant, because we’re all addicted to something). If your addiction to 2 cups of coffee before 10 am is part of an efficient and capable daily routine, then I say that’s not just a crutch but a damn useful piece of furniture. If your addiction is to a gram of coke a day, and your driving is real shaky, then only god, the angels, and your karma can save your ass.

The mistake is in assuming that the lowly Bowery bum deserves to rot in the gutter because of some sin connected with his drinking, while the religion addict is better than everyone else and bound for heaven. The only real difference between them is the Bowery bum’s inability to cope with the stresses of life without physically unbearable amounts of his drug of choice.

Aristotle said, ‘Moderation in all things,’ and John Lennon, ‘Whatever gets you thru the night is all right’. These are the keys to coping with your life, not feeling self-righteous because your addiction of choice is better than others’.